


Hardest Part of Love

by syncro37



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-08 01:23:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14683509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syncro37/pseuds/syncro37
Summary: Steven and Peridot reconcile the difference between what they wanted and what Lapis needs.





	1. Prolouge

For the third time Steven visited the moon, and for the third time, there was no Lapis.

Steven bounced back to a sleeping lion and waited. Against the dimly lit wall, he leaned down and stroked Lion’s fur.

“I’m sorry.”

Lion only snored in response.

“It’s not fair to make you come here all the time." He sighed. "I keep telling myself that she's coming back any second now, but after what happened she- it's just not gonna happen,” he said, pressing his lips together. “I just wish she would show up one more time, so I could see her.” He paused and smacked his face, cringing. “Oh geez, now I'm starting to sound like _Pearl_.”

He stood there for a few minutes before slumping down next to Lion. He yawned and his eyes started to shut slowly as he rested his head on Lion’s mane

And sank into the bottomless ocean

It was not unlike space. Cold. Suffocating. _Lonesome_.

He swam upwards, seeing no sign of reaching the surface. Soon his throat felt tight and his body made quick, involuntary jerks.

He tried summoning his bubble, but it only captured the water in. Vision fading, Steven thought he saw something menacing through the corner of his eye.

He gasped and a wave of salty water flooded his lungs.

 _“Let me go!”_ He garbled. _“I CAN’T BREATHE! I CAN’T BREATHE! I CAN’T -_

Steven’s face smacked against the cold floor.

“Oh.”

Heaving for air, he manages to look up at Lion, who’s wet nose rubbed against Steven’s forehead. A few strands of long, pink fur fell from Steven’s own hair.

“Oooh.”

Steven patted Lion’s back and let out an empty chuckle.

“Let’s go home buddy,” he said, hopping on the beast. “And when we get back, you can sleep on my bed and have lion lickers for supper.”

Lion's ears perked and he carried the boy home.


	2. Chapter 2

Peridot submerged herself further into the warm water. Bubbles coated her skin as the steam carried a floral scent Peridot identified as _Wintergreen_.

 

If Lapis and the barn returned, they could cultivate the Gaultheria shrub. It attracted the wildlife featured in Camp Pining Hearts: deer, turkeys, peasants and bears. The bears might have been a problem, but they would be no match for Lapis. But Lapis was not here and she had not returned. Peridot could plant the shrubs without her, but she could no longer share the experience of discovering earth.

 

By now, Lapis could have discovered a planet superior to earth. A world more secure, more interesting… _more free_. The thought made Peridot’s face twist.

 

A flash of light crept through the edges of the door, followed by heavy footsteps.

 

“Ok Lion, you get _two_ lion lickers and that’s it.”

 

“Don't give me that look, if I let you have any more the gems are gonna wonder why half the box is gone in a day.”

 

She sat up and listened for any sign of Lapis, but aside from the sound of messy eating and a groaning bed, there was silence.

 

It must have been an hour before she started to hear faint crying. The light, male timbre was unmistakably Steven’s.

 

She scowled and plopped underneath the water. Her vision blurred and the noise from outside grew muffled.

 

Inconveniences like the wood peeling off the door, the broken light switch and Steven's crying were irrelevant. Peridot lived in another world now, but it could never be as good as the one she shared with Lapis.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I writing this with a smartphone


	3. Chapter 3

Peridot yelped when she felt a cold hand touch her shoulder. She pushed herself above the water and saw a worn looking Steven.

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Very well.” She signed and wiped herself off with a towel lying on the side before exiting the bathroom. The door shut and made a sharp clicking noise.

The sky was still dark and Peridot felt heavier than usual due to the remnants of water in her hair. She stared out the window and listened to the chorus of crickets chirping in the background. Like humans, they too created music under certain circumstances. She considered training some for a live performance but frowned as soon as she realized Pearl would object to hosting insects in the temple.

Steven walked out of the bathroom and plopped on the couch.

Peridot stared down at him. “Did you see her?”

“No….. I’m sorry.” Steven's eyes shined.

“Are you going to cry again?”

Steven didn't answer and continued to look up at the ceiling.

“ _Fine_ ,” she huffed, making her way back to the bathroom.

“Peridot... are you mad at me?”

“Huh?”

“For, y’know, scaring off Lapis with all that diamond junk.”

Peridot shook her head. “If you are to blame for Lapis’ retreat from the moon, then I am responsible for Lapis leaving the earth.”

“Lapis wanted to leave because I told her about the trial.”

“Lapis left because  _I_  lied to her when she needed me the most.”

Steven sat up. “Yeah, well none of this wouldn't have happened if _my mom’s_ stupid scheme hadn't started a war!”

“Maybe, but if I had been stronger I could have convinced her we were safe.”

"We tried." Steven closed his eyes. "We tried our best and just wasn't enough.”

Peridot’s jaw clenched. Something wet fell on her cheeks and she pretended it was water she failed to dry off.

“ _No._ There must've been something we could have - I could’ve -,” she pulled her hair, taking sharp breaths. “I could - I could..”

“Peridot…”

“ _I CAN’T_. I can’t because...”

“Because-”

“She chose this,” they said in unison. They looked at each other, eyes wide.

Steven put his hands up to his face and Peridot sat next to him, hugging her knees. A high pitched noise escaped Peridot’s mouth followed by several more. Her eyes started to leak uncontrollably. Steven bent over and wrapped his arms around Peridot.

“Thanks,” she sniffled.

She patted his head in return before laying on the other side of the couch. A different kind of heaviness consumed her and then, darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is sooo corny xp


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'We don't use the 'J' world around here

Once Peridot fell asleep Steven wiped his own eyes, they had been burning for the past couple of days.

Amidst the snoring came a green light flashing from Peridot’s gem. Steven’s jaw went slack as he held his breath.

\----

“Just leave me alone Peridot, I can’t breathe with you checking up on me all the time.”   
  
Peridot flinched. In her trembling hands was a green alien plushie.   
  
“Sorry, you just seemed…distraught.” She slowly walked closer. “You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”   
  
“ _No_ .” Lapis glared.   
  
“Is it about Jasper? Because if it is, you have nothing to fear. Surrounding us is an entire ocean which you can clearly u-”   
  
“Don’t bring her up again!” Lapis shouted. “ _Don’t ever say her name again_ !”   
  
Peridot gulped. “I’m-”   
  
“I know..” Lapis sighed. “It’s going to be fine.” Translucent wings shot out from her shoulders as she turned. “I’ll be back, okay?”   
  
All too quickly she flew off, leaving Peridot to stare at an empty blue sky.   
  
“Ok,” Peridot whispered, her voice tremulous.   
  
And then, nothing.   
  
The sound of static filled the room as Peridot’s gem started to flicker out. She opened her eyes.   
  
“Steven.”   
  
“Hey Peridot,” the boy sheepishly looking down at her said. “Did you have a nice nap?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep writing this on my phone like a fucking genius /s


End file.
